Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they don't have any attachments.
Q: Did you hear about the new low-fat Buddhist Path?
A: "I Cant Believe Its Not Buddha"
Q: How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?
A: A person who is at "Two" with the Universe!
Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes
totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
Q. What did the sign in the monastery
searching for new monks say?
A. Inquire within!
Zen Student: “Is it okay to use email?”
Zen Master: “Yes, but with no attachments.”
Zen Master: "Question everything!"
Zen student: "Why?"
Zen Master: "You seem to be in a constant state of denial."
Student: "No I'm not."
One Buddhist monk leaned over to another and quietly asked,
"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"
Some Buddhists were asked
how they managed to deal with past hurts.
"That was Zen and this is Now."
"If there is no self, then whose arthritis is this?"
"I know nothing . . . And I'm not even sure of that?"
"Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this, and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of my problems."
A student is on one side of a raging river. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the master on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?” The master shouts back: “You are on the other side.”
My husband and sons and I had stopped to take in a spectacular sunset and were on our way back to our car when four Buddhist monks dressed in orange robes walked by. When our sons asked about them, I explained, "Their life is a quest for enlightenment."
"I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said, and jokingly suggested, "a Ford Focus?"
"Or a Honda Odyssey," I said.
The monks got into a Pathfinder.
The Zen master walks into the pizza shop. "What toppings would you like on your pizza?", the guy behind the counter asks. The Zen Master replies with a blissful, faraway look on his face: "Make me one with everything."
When it's ready the guy hands the box with the pizza to the Zen master, who in turn pays with a $50 bill. Without giving the Master any change the pizza guy simply puts the $50 bill in the cash register.
"Where's my change?" asks the puzzled Zen master.
The pizza guy thoughtfully strokes his beard, gazes towards the sky, and kindly responds: "Change comes from within."
An aspiring monk asked to enter a Buddhist Temple
and attach himself to a teacher.
"Very well," said the teacher,
"But all students here observe the vow of silence.
You will be allowed to speak
only one sentence every 12 years.
After the first twelve years
the student pleadingly says:
"The bed is too hard."
After another twelve years, he wearily says,
"And the food's terrible."
Twelve more years later, after thirty-six years
of hard work and meditation,
he says, "I can't take it any more - I quit."
"Hmmmm" sighed his teacher, "Maybe it's for the best.
All you've done since you got here is complain."